hopeless (i'm falling down)
by Xephonia
Summary: He's nobody. He's never been anyone. He'll never be anyone. [Canon divergence; Kattobinguless!Yuuma; TWs: Suicide, Bullying]


"I'll be heading out, grandma."

"Sure. By the way, Akari is gone for another two weeks."

"Still looking for dad?"

Haru nods and smiles.

Yuuma smiles back, but really he thinks—

 _I'd be happier if he didn't ever return._

* * *

It all started fine. Kazuma and Mirai gave equal attention to both him and Akari when they were younger.

It stopped being fine when Kazuma taught Akari to duel. They'd be gone for weeks and months, adventuring and dueling together; sometimes even with Mirai.

It was then that Yuuma first learnt what loneliness was.

And even that, he'd thought, was fine. After all— Kazuma said so at least— Akari's duels were important, they needed to be watched over; that's why they gave Akari the Emperor's Key.

Yuuma still doesn't know why Akari is more important.

But with every time Akari returned from a trip with Kazuma and Mirai, she grew stronger.

Confident.

Yuuma was happy for her at first; he thought the day he'd be going on adventures with his parents would come.

It never came.

* * *

"Tsukumo-kun, you have bruises again," Kotori begins hastily and doesn't quite manage to look Yuuma in the eye, because she knows and he knows why and that there's no changing it. "Want to go to the nurse's office?"

"It's fine." Yuuma smiles. "My sister always told me to always kattobing, like she does. And while I can't do that, I can at least deal with this much, right?"

"R-Right." Kotori nods and heads off to talk to her friends.

(They whisper, and Yuuma knows it's about him.)

Yuuma walks, his head hanging low, as if it would make him invisible but he bumps into someone and—

"Watch where you're going!" Takeda Tetsuo.

"Y-Yeah, sorry." Yuuma tries to walk away, but he freezes when he sees the people around him laugh again.

 _Why is it so scary?_

This time, he runs. He skips class and runs and almost falls down the stairs (and wishes it wasn't just almost) until he's out of breath and falls to his knees.

A boy passes by him; Yuuma ducks down, but the boy only glances at him once before passing him by.

Yuuma sighs in relief, only to feel a sharp pain in the back of his head as his vision fades to black.

* * *

When he wakes up, he's tied to something, and he doesn't see a thing. Blindfolded.

 _Is it them again?_

"You forgot your debt, huh?"

A sharp pain in Yuuma's leg; he's being kicked. He feels like an old wound is opening. Whether physical or emotional, he can't tell anymore.

"I didn't," he quietly mutters. "I just can't get that many cards."

"Your sister always has new cards when she wants them, so don't pretend!"

 _Because she's the one whose duels are important._

This time, it's Yuuma's cheek that stings.

He slowly nods. "Yeah, I'll bring them to you."

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

They don't untie him; they just leave.

Yuuma thinks that's good enough.

* * *

Numbers 39: King of Wishes, Hope.

A strong card. It fits Akari. She's had it for a long time now.

Yuuma wants it, too.

Maybe it would grant his wish.

It's a one of a kind thing though, and Akari is the one who gets to have those.

 _Just like the Key._

* * *

The next day comes and Yuuma didn't find a moment to sneak in the attic to steal an artifact to sell.

It's bad.

They'll beat him up again.

Maybe enough to actually put an end to it.

 _Maybe that would be good._

But Yuuma knows it doesn't end, and he packs his bags and leaves.

* * *

A blank card. Just one. Yuuma is at the river, the card seems to lure him in.

It's calling for him.

(He remembers hearing about recent incidents involving cards.)

 _There's nothing I haven't lost yet, anyway._

He touches it, and on his right hand manifests a number and the card stops being blank; gains an effect, gains an appearance.

 **Number 98: King of Despair, Hopeless.**

Yuuma laughs.

 _It fits, doesn't it?_

Its stats are the exact opposite of Number 39's.

 _Even the Numbers know what my place is._

* * *

Hopeless speaks.

He speaks more to Yuuma than anyone has in the last years.

He speaks in Yuuma's voice, and sometimes Yuuma wonders if he's just imagining it.

 **If you obtain the of the Numbers, you can be someone.**

 _Doesn't Akari have a lot of them? She's been a lot better at dueling lately, too. There's no way I can get all the Numbers._

 **You can beat her.**

 _I can't. Not even with your other effect—_

 **I am you. You hate Akari, don't you?**

 _I don't! I love my family!_

 **Then why do they treat you like you are nobody?**

 _Because I am nobody._

 **You'll see soon that that is not the case.**

Yuuma comes home again after that conversation. Akari is happy; she tells him to visit a professional if he has problems in school again.

Or to call a teacher.

Yuuma laughs.

"Yeah, I will."

He doesn't go to school anymore.

* * *

Yuuma sleepwalks lately.

Akari says he challenged her to a duel last night, but she declined and he fell asleep in the hallway.

She says he should visit a professional for his sleepwalking problem.

 _You're never at home lately, why do you pretend to care?_

Yuuma doesn't remember how he decided to come back home in the first place.

He looks in the mirror and his reflection is grinning.

* * *

His clothes can barely be called clothes anymore with how torn they are.

Yuuma went to school today.

He regrets it.

He's not sure what's still carrying his legs, but it's carrying them up the roof.

He's glad; it's over soon.

He feels hot tears flow down his cheeks.

(The last ones.)

"Sorry, Hopeless," Yuuma murmurs. "I know you wanted me to be someone, but I just can't be."

He jumps.


End file.
